Brave

"It's quiet.  It's early.  My coffee is hot.  The sky is still black.  The world is still asleep.  The day is coming.  In a few moments the day will arrive.  It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun.  The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day.  The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding of the human race.  The refuge of early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met...

I choose joy.  I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.  I refuse the temptation to be cynical.  I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God.  I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God. 

If I succeed, I will give thanks.  If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when the day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest."
From Max Lucado's I Choose Love: When God Whispers Your Name

Psalm 37:4-6
Delight yourself in the Lord,
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord.
Trust also in Him, and He will do it. 
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.  Trust in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. 


Click on the Quote below to See my Favorite Song of the Week:

Letting Go & Letting God

"Some search for meaning in a career.  They opt to be a human 'doing' instead of a human 'being.'  Who they are is what they do; consequently they do a lot.  They work many  hours because if they don't work, they don't have an identity.  For others, who they are is what they have.  They find meaning in a new car, or a new house, or new clothes.  These people are great for the economy and rough on the budget because they are always seeking meaning in what they own..." -Max Lucado

Without my awareness, who I was as a teacher became central to my identity.  My impressive credentials, my status as a mentor teacher, my role as a lead tutor, and my feeling of responsibility towards the staff of various schools and tutoring centers as I trained them became central to my identity.  Now, with all of that seemingly ripped away by the silly red tape of the CSDE, I feel a bit lost.  I reel in shock that I must start all over again...my 'New Teacher Training' classes start on this coming Thursday.  (NEW?  New to California...).  I'm retaking online classes in the evenings to get the California spin on the classes I took at Johns Hopkins School of Education in Maryland.  I feel shaken to the core.  Although I realize none of the red tape diminishes my talent, or my actual credentials and experience as a teacher, it is a harsh blow.  I will be spending thousands of dollars and months of study and work after school hours to jump through all the hurdles the California government is putting in my path.  As a person tempted to become a human 'doing' rather than a human 'being,' the California credentialing difficulties slow me down, planting the realization that my career is not me.  My true identity comes from who I am in my Lord and Savior.

Leaving my spacious dream apartment in Norfolk, moving into my tiny broken apartment in Hollywood has been an ongoing disappointment for me.  Another temptation I struggle with is finding my identity in what I have...I want to have a nice home to welcome friends...(I don't even have a dining room table or a microwave, so I feel for now hosting is out of the question).  My apartment features are constantly breaking.  My crooked unit is full of little annoyances that interrupt daily chores and startle me.  For one example, hot water is labeled cold on the faucet, and cold is  hot.  If I am not careful, I hurt myself with steaming hot water when I am expecting refreshing cold.  Moreover, sometimes I feel like a bad housekeeper, as the dry California climate is so dusty that even after I sweep and mop the apartment floors, they seem almost immediately covered in dirt again.  Being a person tempted to find identity in where I live and in what I have, I certainly must learn to rise above my living situation and recognize my true identity as who I am in Christ Jesus.   

God's revelation of my misconceptions about my identity and my life's meaning is a major breakthrough for me spiritually.  However, realizing I have misconceptions is only the first step.  Now that I have discovered the truth, it will only set me free if I apply what I have learned.  I need to apply my new found freedom from making my career my identity and I must escape the imprisoning feelings that what I have or where I live represents who I am.  In my everyday life, I will focus on doing my best every day because I love Jesus.  I will balance my life more with less focus on maintaining and fixing my apartment and clinging to my belongings...I will cling to my times of Bible study and prayer as a priority rather than the endless cleaning that I feel I should be addressing. 

This week, I will pray this prayer every day to remind me of my new direction:

Father, we confess that we keep other gods before us because we fail to remember that we have you.  We steal in so many ways because we forget that you will always provide what we need.  We covet worthless things because we don't see the treasure that you set before us every day.  We bear false witness because we don't understand that the truth will set us free.  When we think that your commandments are burdensome and confining, teach us, Lord, that they are perfect, and for our good. 

Give us delight in following your commandments.  Let us know that even when we waver, You are steadfast.  Even when we fail, You paid the price to free us from the burden of our sin.

 http://www.designdifferent.ca/collections/illustrative-prints/products/rumi-minimalist-illustration

Romans 8:18...
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  But if we  hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently.  In the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness. 

My Thoughts on Jane Austen

It is perhaps worth emphasizing what may be called the hardness- at least the firmness- of Jane Austen's thought...The great abstract nouns of the classical English moralists are unblushingly and uncompromisingly used: good sense, courage, contentment, fortitude, 'some duty neglected, some failing indulged,' impropriety, indelicacy, generous candor, blamable, distrust, just, humiliation, vanity, folly, ignorance, reason.  These are the concepts by which Jane Austen grasps the world. 
-C. S. Lewis

Principals, such as morality and common sense, are essential to Jane Austen's craft as a writer.  Jane Austen lived a simple and quiet life, seeing four of her six novels published anonymously, and she forever left her mark in the world.  Her descriptive talents and her insight into human character fill readers with unbridled enthusiasm. My favorite part of Jane's books?  Their happy endings. 

To me, happy endings are essential.  I love the phrase found at the end of many childhood tales, 'and they all lived happily ever after.'  I cherish my dreams of heaven, picturing the day when Christ will bring me home to Himself, and I will find perfect peace and rest with  him. 

Psalm 37:4-6
Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your judgment as the noonday.  Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. 

I love the redemptive arch that is present in Jane's stories.  For example, with Catherine's story, from Northanger Abbey:

Most bitterly did she cry...then, her mind made up on these several points, and her resolution formed, of always  judging and acting in the future with the greatest good sense, she had nothing to do but forgive herself and be happier than ever.  - Jane Austen

If there were more Janeites today, sporting "What would Jane do?" bumper stickers, the world would be a better place. 

Proverbs 14:8a  The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways. 

Nothing More Than Feelings...

Obedience is the key to all doors; feelings come (or don't come) and go as God pleases.  We might think that God wanted simply obedience to a set of rules; whereas He really wants people of a particular sort. - C.S. Lewis

This has been an incredibly demanding work week...many times I have felt overwhelmed by the power struggle students attempt to drag me into.  Resisting the urge to push back, swallowing my anger when students push my buttons, calming myself to confidently pull students back into the right frame of mind for optimum learning leaves me feeling weak. 

I constantly feel defeated.  However, I am sensing new growth in myself.  I am changing to become a particular sort of teacher, one that can handle with grace and poise whatever students surprise me with.  Although my lessons often do not go as planned, I might not follow my preconceived schedules as expected (at times due to elevator malfunctions, at times due to a severe student meltdowns), and although I feel discouraged, I can look to my future and be grateful that these experiences are making me a better teacher. 

However, this strengthening as a teacher does not come without a cost.  I am more negative overall, and I am often held captive by doubt and fear.  Will I be able to handle the unknown situations the day's classes will present me with?  Will I succeed in reaching all my students?  Will I be strong enough?  This prayer has helped me when I am plagued with doubts: 

Almighty God, in raising Jesus from the grave, you shattered the power of sin and death.  We confess that we remain captive to doubt and fear, bound by the ways that lead to death.  Forgive our doubting, questioning hearts.  We confess the many times that our pessimism has caused others to doubt themselves, the times that our criticism has wounded others, and the times that our dejection has dampened the enthusiasm of those inspired by your Word and work. 
Oh God, forgive us and in your mercy renew us.  Help us to trust your power to change our lives and make us new, that we may know the joy of life abundant given in Jesus Christ, the risen Lord.  Amen. 

It is a daily fight for me to stay positive.  When I am stretched to my limit, it would be easy to become hardened and bitter.  However, a little bit of encouragement goes a long way.  Adam is my hero.  He saves me everyday by building my confidence. 

Hebrews 3:13-13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.  We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly to the end of the confidence we had at first. 

Let the Journey Begin

Adam & I both start our first day of class tomorrow!  We are on our way...following God's roadmap for our new beginning in Hollywood, California.

For part of my devotions, I have been reading Let the Journey Begin by Max Lucado.  This seems a perfect fit for me right now.  Today's devotional message is on, "Set Your Compass in the Right Direction."  Max encourages his readers to consider that the problem is not that God hasn't spoken, but that we haven't been listening for God's guidance.  Adam and I are seeking to put God first in every way, but we can still sometimes become so busy that it is harder to seek His will through prayer and scripture reading. 

We realize that devoting ourselves to the study of God's Word, and committing to praying often, will help us become more sensitive to God's gentle nudges or His quiet whisper as we begin our classes and make important life decisions.  We are praying for wisdom, and that God makes clear the direction He wishes us to take in our careers and in our lives.