Nothing More Than Feelings...

Obedience is the key to all doors; feelings come (or don't come) and go as God pleases.  We might think that God wanted simply obedience to a set of rules; whereas He really wants people of a particular sort. - C.S. Lewis

This has been an incredibly demanding work week...many times I have felt overwhelmed by the power struggle students attempt to drag me into.  Resisting the urge to push back, swallowing my anger when students push my buttons, calming myself to confidently pull students back into the right frame of mind for optimum learning leaves me feeling weak. 

I constantly feel defeated.  However, I am sensing new growth in myself.  I am changing to become a particular sort of teacher, one that can handle with grace and poise whatever students surprise me with.  Although my lessons often do not go as planned, I might not follow my preconceived schedules as expected (at times due to elevator malfunctions, at times due to a severe student meltdowns), and although I feel discouraged, I can look to my future and be grateful that these experiences are making me a better teacher. 

However, this strengthening as a teacher does not come without a cost.  I am more negative overall, and I am often held captive by doubt and fear.  Will I be able to handle the unknown situations the day's classes will present me with?  Will I succeed in reaching all my students?  Will I be strong enough?  This prayer has helped me when I am plagued with doubts: 

Almighty God, in raising Jesus from the grave, you shattered the power of sin and death.  We confess that we remain captive to doubt and fear, bound by the ways that lead to death.  Forgive our doubting, questioning hearts.  We confess the many times that our pessimism has caused others to doubt themselves, the times that our criticism has wounded others, and the times that our dejection has dampened the enthusiasm of those inspired by your Word and work. 
Oh God, forgive us and in your mercy renew us.  Help us to trust your power to change our lives and make us new, that we may know the joy of life abundant given in Jesus Christ, the risen Lord.  Amen. 

It is a daily fight for me to stay positive.  When I am stretched to my limit, it would be easy to become hardened and bitter.  However, a little bit of encouragement goes a long way.  Adam is my hero.  He saves me everyday by building my confidence. 

Hebrews 3:13-13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.  We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly to the end of the confidence we had at first.